The first 60 minutes you spend with someone are crucial. Whether it’s one long first meeting or 60 brief chats in the elevator, those initial impressions shape how you perceive and collaborate with each other. This applies to a new colleague but also to someone you’ve worked with before but don’t yet know well.
In this article, we explore a key insight: when meeting someone, it’s smarter to look for common ground rather than differences. This reduces unconscious biases and increases the chances of finding a connection with any colleague. And let’s be honest—who wouldn’t want that?
Connecting from Day One: Here’s How
There are many ways to get to know someone. When a new colleague joins or you start working together on a project for the first time, take the time to truly connect. A simple “Great to have you on the team! Want to grab a coffee?” or “Nice to work together (again), fancy a short walk?” can go a long way.
Sometimes, introductions happen spontaneously—in the elevator, by the coffee machine, or on the way to a meeting. Even a brief chat in those moments is valuable.
How Our Brain Works
After meeting someone, your brain doesn’t necessarily remember the content of the conversation, but it does remember how much you have in common. The more similarities, the more positively your brain assesses the collaboration.
If you’re on the same wavelength in terms of humor or happen to binge-watch the same series, your brain automatically feels more comfortable with that colleague.
This also influences whether someone falls into your inner group or outer group. People in your inner group unconsciously get the benefit of the doubt—their work seems slightly better, and you take their ideas more seriously. Colleagues in your outer group don’t have this advantage and often experience subtle biases.
This happens because the limited information you have about them—such as their age or accent—becomes the defining factor in how your brain perceives them. This can lead to subtle forms of exclusion, such as being overlooked for important tasks (“They’re really too young for that”) or being interrupted more often in meetings.
The Power of Connection
We subconsciously select those who seem similar to us, making collaboration feel easier. At the same time, everyone craves connection, especially in the workplace.
Meeting someone new is an intense experience for your brain. It’s already sensitive to signals of acceptance or rejection but becomes hyper-aware in such moments. This is even more intense when joining a new team or organization—your brain is on high alert.
Yet, if we’re not careful, introductions often fall into superficial conversations that emphasize stereotypes or differences. Think of remarks like, “That’s how we always do it at home” or “Your generation sees things differently.” These statements can create distance instead of connection. Your brain remembers the lack of common ground, making collaboration more difficult.
Loneliness in the Workplace
This missed opportunity for connection has serious consequences. Gallup research shows that one in five employees worldwide feels lonely. According to Harvard Business Review, this is partly due to misconceptions—like the belief that reducing hybrid work automatically increases connection.
In reality, working in teams can cause more loneliness if expectations are not met. Without conscious attention to team bonding and personal interaction, connection fails to develop, leading people to withdraw—from work events, colleagues, and eventually their tasks. This process, known as quiet quitting, can trigger a negative cycle that’s hard to break.
Make Time for Common Ground
How do you break this negative cycle? Start with those first conversations and invest time in finding common ground. Hacking your brain a little can be quite simple: by asking the right questions and focusing on similarities, you reduce the influence of biases on your collaboration.
Bias is human, but you can work around it by making a conscious effort to connect. Even if the person in front of you is clearly from a different age group, ethnicity, gender, or background—challenge yourself to look beyond stereotypes. This conscious effort not only helps break down unconscious biases but also lays the foundation for strong collaboration from the start.
Practical Tips
How do you find common ground? Sometimes it’s obvious, sometimes you have to dig a little deeper. Maybe you support different football clubs but share a passion for the sport. Or your hobbies differ, but you both enjoy spending time outdoors.
If appropriate, express your intention to connect. Shared history, hometown, family life, hobbies, passions, values, music or film preferences, or work styles—all these can create bonds. Ask questions and discover where you overlap!
Even if you’ve worked together for a while, you can reconnect. Try organizing a team bingo where everyone shares three unexpected facts about themselves. Esther often sees colleagues walk in nervously but leave feeling more connected (“I never knew you were afraid of spiders too!”). It’s a playful way to discover commonalities and strengthen bonds.
The quality of those first conversations can plant the seed for a great working relationship. So, actively seek out common ground instead of focusing on differences. That way, you give every colleague—and yourself—the chance to truly connect.