Photo: Trunk Archive

Imagine this: you are an athlete. Every day is about becoming a little bit better. You train, eat healthy, and optimize your routines, while you and your team closely track your progress. It makes sense—because their insights and tips help you reach your full potential. As an athlete, you don’t just learn to excel in your sport; you also become skilled at receiving and using feedback.

Now think of yourself the same way: someone who also wants to reach their full potential. If the athlete metaphor doesn’t quite fit you, think of an emerging artist or performer striving to become the best version of themselves. This perspective helps you understand that you can still grow tremendously by embracing insights from others. But it does require something from you: you must start viewing feedback as a tool for growth rather than a threat.

Why feedback sometimes throws us off

Receiving feedback isn’t always easy. Our brain links our self-worth to our performance, which means feedback can often feel like a personal attack—sometimes even before we consciously register it. On top of that, your brain constantly checks your position within a group. Feedback given in a group setting or by someone higher up in the hierarchy can hit hard because it feels like a threat to your sense of safety and belonging.

As a result, you might not be fully open to feedback, or your brain might shut it out altogether: downplaying, ignoring, or twisting the feedback to protect yourself. Sound familiar? Like not really remembering what was said after a performance review? It’s a natural coping mechanism, but one that can seriously block your growth. If we want to truly learn and address our blind spots, we need to find ways to bypass this reflex.

What feedback has to do with inclusion

If you want to become a true expert in receiving feedback—just like an athlete—you need to learn to embrace different perspectives. Feedback is not just a chance for personal growth, but also an opportunity to build a stronger, more inclusive team. By consciously seeking feedback from people with diverse backgrounds and areas of expertise, you strengthen not only yourself but also trust and collaboration within your team. Feedback then becomes a powerful tool to move forward together.

Asking for feedback remains crucial at every stage of your career—especially as a leader. By inviting your team’s input, you send an important signal to their brains: they belong, and you value their contribution. Even when you’re at the top of the ladder, you still have blind spots—in your knowledge and in how you see yourself.

Photo: Geoff Lowe

The Importance of Psychological Safety in Your Team

Do you feel resistance when it comes to involving colleagues in your learning process? If so, it might be a sign that the psychological safety in your team could use some improvement. In a truly safe environment, everyone works to bring out the best in each other, and receiving feedback should feel like a valuable gift. Do you avoid asking for feedback because you believe your colleagues can’t provide constructive input? That’s a shame—you deserve better! Bring this up during team evaluations and set a good example yourself by openly sharing both tips for improvement and positive feedback with your team.

Start Your Growth Project Today

Turn asking for feedback into a habit by seizing every opportunity to do so. It might take some effort at first, but over time it will become a natural part of your routine. Start today by asking yourself: What do I want to improve this month or this quarter?

Even if you make it to the Olympic Games, there is always room for growth. Research from Harvard Business Review shows that top performers—especially female top performers—often receive less valuable feedback because managers tend to focus more on underperforming colleagues. That’s why it’s important to actively seek out targeted and useful feedback.

Once you’ve got that covered, make sure to involve the right people from the start of your project. They don’t always have to be managers; colleagues, team members, or others whose work you admire can also offer valuable insights. One important tip: if they are too similar to you, they might not help you spot your blind spots. So choose people with a fresh perspective or a different approach.

Esther and her daughter Emmalotte

I often hear it from many of my clients: managers complaining about the younger generation in the workplace. Just recently, a manager told me: ‘You should be glad if those Gen Z employees even show up for work!’ The frustration is palpable. Gen Z is often labeled as unmotivated, unwilling to work, and overly demanding. But is that really true? Or does the problem perhaps lie closer to home – with the managers themselves?

The Leadership Mirror
What many of these complaining managers overlook is that research into good leadership and organizational management has long revealed what motivates employees, both young and old. What Gen Z wants isn’t unique or unreasonable. In fact, they are the very elements that inspire and engage every employee:

Opportunities for Growth
Young employees want to develop their skills and challenge themselves. They seek a place where they don’t just complete tasks but can truly grow. This, by the way, isn’t exclusive to Gen Z – who would want a career without development?

Clarity and Efficiency
They want clear expectations, effective coordination, and a well-functioning organization. And let’s be honest, who wants to waste time on redundant work or dull, unnecessary tasks? This isn’t a ‘young people thing’; it’s a human need for meaningful work.

Personal Attention and Feedback
Gen Z asks for personal attention from their leaders and actionable feedback that helps them improve. This may sometimes look like ‘demanding behavior,’ but it’s actually a basic principle of good leadership. Employees thrive when they feel heard and know how to get better.

Are Young Employees Truly Unmotivated?
Still, many managers see the departure of young employees as confirmation of their judgment: ‘See? They’re just not motivated.’ But perhaps those same managers should ask themselves if they’re providing the kind of leadership that younger generations – and, in fact, all employees – need. After all, an employee leaving often says more about the manager than about the person who’s walking out the door.

Take another look at the hands of Esther and Emmalotte: Esther portrays ‘love’ in the way her generation does, and Emmalotte in the way hers does. Both express love in the way they know best.

Good leadership is timeless.

Let’s be honest: it’s easy to point fingers at a new generation. But leadership sometimes requires a look in the mirror. Ask yourself: am I giving my team what they need to grow and stay engaged? Am I creating a workplace where talent is seen, heard, and nurtured? Or am I stuck in outdated ways of working that no longer fit today’s world?

The demands of Gen Z aren’t a passing trend. They are universal needs that, when addressed, make every organization stronger. So maybe it’s not the younger generation that needs to change, but the managers themselves.

Click on the image to watch the video.

A beautiful example of how eye contact creates connection and vulnerability can be seen in this video from Amnesty International. It demonstrates the power of truly seeing and being seen, and how this forms the foundation of connection.

A conversation is a wonderful way to meet each other’s thoughts. You share information, come up with ideas together, and forge social bonds. But do you know what truly enhances a good conversation? Eye contact.

Eye contact is the most basic way to make someone feel seen. It fosters a sense of inclusion and strengthens relationships. With your gaze, you communicate interest in what the other person is saying, showing respect for the person behind the words. Eye contact also improves communication. Your facial expressions—like surprise or shock—are often the first reaction to what someone says. Eye contact also helps to determine when it’s your turn to speak.

Your brain is highly attuned to whether someone looks at you and draws conclusions from it. While eye contact seems natural, it’s not always easy to give everyone equal attention. Our brains have unconscious preferences for who we do or don’t look at, often depending on whether someone is part of our “in-group” or not.

Unintentionally looking at certain people less often can have significant consequences. It makes them feel unseen, which can severely impact their sense of recognition within the group. Everyone needs a certain level of acknowledgment to feel comfortable enough to contribute to a team. Vulnerable brains are often those of people who are new to a group or slightly different from the norm. Want to avoid this? Then consciously work on making it a habit to look at everyone properly.

Interestingly, unconscious biases also play a role from another perspective. People who feel secure in their position within a group, such as leaders or those who belong to the norm, pay close attention to eye contact. If you don’t look at them, it may be interpreted as a sign of insecurity or weakness. The habit of intentionally looking at someone helps not only the other person but also yourself: it shows you take the other person seriously and that you have confidence in yourself.

Another major source of disruption is the dopamine bomb in your pocket: your phone. Our concentration during conversations and meetings is constantly tested by apps and notifications designed to be almost irresistible, even when you’re sitting across from someone.

In addition to entertainment, your phone now also brings responsibilities. Platforms like Slack and WhatsApp groups create a constant expectation of availability. This perpetual accessibility hinders genuine connection with the person in front of you. Yet research shows that being fully present and making eye contact leads to stronger relationships.

So, make it a habit to be truly present during conversations. Put your phone away and turn off unimportant notifications. Make sure to look at your boss, but don’t forget those who could use a little encouragement. By looking at them, you say: “I see you (too).”

Here’s an interesting tip about connection: eye contact is the first way we, as babies, bond with our parents. Since we can’t communicate in other ways yet, their gaze tells us: “I’m here for you.” Here’s the fun part: because most people are right-handed, they carry their baby in their left arm. This causes their right eye to naturally align with the baby’s left eye. This specific connection stimulates the release of oxytocin, a hormone that builds trust and connection. Try it yourself while you work on this new habit!

Remember, making eye contact a habit is a work in progress. I personally find eye contact quite intense at times, so I’ve taught myself to look at someone’s eye color instead of directly “into their eyes.” Research also shows that while eye contact is important to make someone feel seen, averting your gaze can actually help you form new, independent thoughts. In a good conversation, eye contact, much like the act of talking itself, naturally flows back and forth between the participants.

So: put your phone away, look the other person in the eye, and be fully present. This way, you not only build stronger relationships but also ensure that everyone feels seen. That’s the power of a simple gesture like eye contact.