Giving compliments: a small act with a big impact!

Giving compliments: a small act with a big impact!

EM

This is the second column in the #InclusieDoen series. We want to move away from merely talking about inclusion in organizations and instead focus on practical actions. Today’s column explores how giving compliments more often can help you, others, and your team! Interested in doing more #InclusieDoen? We’re here to help. Over the coming weeks, we’ll actively support you in developing more inclusive habits. With short videos and reminders via WhatsApp, you’ll receive tips and guidance. And during this initial phase, it’s completely free! You can find all columns here.

This week, I received a very kind and detailed email following a training session with a new client. The client specifically pointed out what they appreciated about the workshop from the day before. Honestly, I already knew the training had gone exceptionally well, but I was still surprised at how happy the email made me. Of course, I know from research that giving compliments works, but experiencing it firsthand remains something special.

Compliments aren’t just friendly words; they truly have an impact. Did you know that in organizations where employees and managers value one another, people are 35% more energized to achieve results? Moreover, employees in such environments are 15 times more likely to become high performers.

Neuroscientific research even shows that compliments are processed in the brain in the same way as financial rewards. They activate the reward system, evoke positive emotions, boost self-confidence, and foster stronger connections between people.

Yet many people feel insecure about giving compliments. They worry about whether they’re expressing them correctly. Research also shows they often underestimate how much a compliment will positively affect the recipient.

The key to giving a good compliment is sincerity and warmth. Choose something specific, no matter how small, that you genuinely appreciate. Don’t overthink it, as the moment to truly make someone feel good can pass quickly.

Make the compliment as personal as possible (“Your creativity makes this presentation truly unique” instead of “Good presentation”). Support your words with non-verbal cues like a smile and eye contact. Also, try to learn how the recipient prefers to receive compliments. Some appreciate public recognition, while others prefer compliments in private.

Just like nourishment, people have a constant need to feel seen and appreciated. Train yourself to give compliments more frequently and make it a habit.

Want to practice this? Join our 30 Seconds to Inclusivity Program. Find more information here.

#Compliments #WorkplaceJoy #InclusiveLeadership #TinyHabits #OrganizationalCulture #Impact

Sources:

  • “A Simple Compliment Can Make a Big Difference,” Erica Boothby, Xuan Zhao, and Vanessa Bohns, HBR, 2021
  • Gartner 2023 Building an Organization of Great Managers Survey
Asking for help more often is great for both you and your organization.

Asking for help more often is great for both you and your organization.

Hulp vragen
 

This is the first column in the #InclusieDoen series, where we focus less on discussing inclusion in organizations and more on showing concrete actions. In this column, we explore how asking a colleague for help benefits you, them, and the team. If you’re interested in implementing more inclusive practices, we’re here to support you.

As part of the #InclusieDoen initiative, we’ve developed a program to help you build daily inclusive habits. With short videos and WhatsApp reminders, you’ll receive tips and support to make inclusion a part of everyday life—completely free during the initial phase! You can read all the columns here.

The shift away from asking for help
In the past, asking for help—borrowing a cup of sugar, getting a ride to the station, or seeking advice from a colleague—was a natural part of daily life. Today, we often turn to impersonal options like delivery services, Uber, ChatGPT, or repair services instead of reaching out to a neighbor or coworker. Unfortunately, this shift means missing out on the personal connection that used to accompany these requests.

And that’s a shame, because helping others fulfills a fundamental human need. It brings joy and leads to better outcomes, both at home and work. Behavioral science research shows that people are more willing to help than we think. Why? Helping gives others a sense of purpose, creating a positive ripple effect of connection and kindness.

Why asking for help is beneficial
Colleagues who ask for help strengthen their bonds and build mutual trust. Small acts of kindness foster informal networks where people share knowledge and skills. Additionally, those who ask for help often learn faster by gaining insights and expertise they wouldn’t have discovered otherwise. This contributes to a culture where everyone works together to improve.

Overcoming the hesitation to ask
Why do we hesitate to ask for help? Many view it as risky, fearing they might seem incompetent or burdensome. However, studies show that people are far more willing to help than we assume.

Asking for help is good for both the seeker and the helper. By seeking advice, you signal respect for the other person’s expertise, strengthening your relationship and fostering a more connected and supportive work environment.

Fostering a culture of connection
In a time when technology promotes self-reliance, it’s important to remember the value of human connection. Colleagues feel appreciated when their expertise is sought and gain satisfaction from helping others. A simple question can spark a chain reaction of kindness, reinforcing a positive workplace culture.

Next time you’re stuck or need advice, remember: just ask for help. Collaboration isn’t just more productive—it makes everyone a little happier.

Below, you’ll find a detailed explanation of why asking for and offering help is a fundamental human need.

Below, you’ll find a detailed explanation of why asking for and offering help is a fundamental human need.

Below, you’ll find a detailed explanation of why asking for and offering help is a fundamental human need.

 

Asking for help is actually really good for you, according to science, Annika Horn, National Geographic, August 2024

 

How Humans Depend on Cooperation for Survival and Mental Health

Our innate ability to cooperate and socialize with others may date back over 3.5 million years to one of the earliest hominins, or human species, the australopithecines.

When australopithecines branched off from other primates and left the rainforests for drier, predator-rich environments, they needed large groups to survive, explains Peter Richerson, a biologist and emeritus professor at the University of California, Davis. They learned to collaborate with individuals outside their biological family to ensure survival. These social networks enabled strategies, the development of weapons, and the formation of large groups capable of fending off powerful predators, Richerson adds.

Becoming bipedal also made childbirth more difficult and dangerous for australopithecines. This likely encouraged mothers to help one another during labor, says Lesley Newson, evolutionary biologist and co-author of A Story of Us: A New Look at Human Evolution. Mothers “really benefited from cooperation, saying, ‘I’ll help deliver your baby if you help deliver mine,’ ” Newson explains.

 

 

Sarah Hrdy, evolutionary anthropologist and author of Father Time: A Natural History of Men and Babies, explains that cooperation advanced further in the context of child-rearing. Early humans relied on family members beyond the mother to help care for children—a concept known as “cooperative breeding,” which is not observed in other primates genetically related to us.

Group members participated in this caregiving “in exchange for acceptance within the group,” Hrdy notes. Babies, aware of their multiple caregivers, learned to observe, socialize, and ingratiate themselves with non-family members. This behavior, Hrdy says, “lays the groundwork for cooperation.”

Psychologists suggest that this evolutionary background explains why social rejection and isolation remain painful for humans today. The brain circuits that process emotional pain are built on the same circuits that handle physical pain. In one experiment involving a virtual ball-tossing game, participants who were suddenly excluded from receiving the ball reported experiencing physical pain.

From an evolutionary standpoint, “it makes sense that social exclusion would feel unpleasant, right?” says Gaurav Suri, experimental psychologist and computational neuroscientist at San Francisco State University. “The pain of social exclusion acts as a signal for us to fix the issues causing it.”

 

When women are in majority, men still lead.

When women are in majority, men still lead.

It seems so logical that when many female talents are employed within an organization, more women will naturally move up to top positions. But is that really the case? We conducted research to find out.

HBR Staff/EschCollection/Getty Images

Image by HBR/ EschCollection/Getty Images

Our initial exploration led us to a publication from Harvard Business Review (HBR) in April 2024. It reported that in the non-profit sector in the United States, where the majority of employees are women, female representation at the top is often lacking. The publication also revealed that the higher the revenue, the more often men are in charge. We were curious to see how this plays out in the Netherlands, so we conducted research on fifty ANBIs (Public Benefit Organizations) with the highest revenue within the non-profit sector, specifically in education and healthcare. These are sectors in our country where it has been proven that more women work than men.

And to go straight to the conclusions: we see the same pattern in the Netherlands. Despite the fact that the majority of employees in these sectors at all levels are women, the percentage of women in the leadership of these organizations is also lower in the Netherlands. As in the American HBR study, we observed a decline in the percentage of women in the upper layers of the organization. We also found that in the Netherlands, the choice for the highest leadership position is less often made in favor of female talent as the organization grows larger and generates more revenue.

You could say that although more women than men work in these organizations and they are eligible for leadership roles, they are more often stuck below the top. This phenomenon is also known as the Glass Escalator Effect: men seem to stand on a symbolic escalator to the top, while that escalator is missing for women, hindering their career progression. As a result, men have easier access to top positions, even when they work in industries where they are underrepresented. Why is this the case?

The HBR study suggests that this symbolic escalator for men is due to unconscious biases: the unconscious belief that men are better leaders and the assumption that as an organization grows larger, men are best suited to manage it. The association of male traits with leadership qualities remains strong (albeit unconsciously), and we see this reflected in the results of our mindbug tests in the Netherlands. These tests show that 81% of participants (n=19,004, both men and women) have an unconscious preference for a man as a leader, even though 96% of them indicated beforehand that they do not make distinctions in gender for leadership positions. Additionally, men who take on traditionally female roles (such as becoming a nurse) are often excessively praised for doing so. Click here for more details.

The Glass Escalator Effect in the Netherlands: Our Research

Our research within the same sectors in the Netherlands confirmed the American results, as shown in the figures below. First, we see that the overrepresentation of women in these sectors is not reflected in the boards of these organizations: the percentage of women in the top remains below or around 50%. We also observe that the percentage of women in leadership positions within the sector decreases as revenue increases. This is evident in the comparison between the top 10 organizations with the highest revenue and the ten organizations with the lowest revenue.

Category General Average % Women Average % Women in Board of Directors % Women in Top 10 Organizations by Revenue % Women in Bottom 10 Organizations by Revenue Average % Women as Chair of the Board % Women as Chair in Top 10 Organizations by Revenue % Women as Chair in Bottom 10 Organizations by Revenue
Higher Education 76.8%* 51.3% 46.6% 55.0% 52.0% 40% 50%
Healthcare Institutions 53.3%** 47.6% 42.5% 48.3% 42.0% 40% 55%

* Reported by 16 out of 25 organizations ** Reported by 9 out of 25 organizations

Lastly, our research shows that the overrepresentation of women in these sectors does not result in a higher number of female chairs of the board of directors. In fact, the likelihood of this decreases as revenue grows. This percentage also remains below or around 50%.

These are striking results given the consistent overrepresentation of women in the non-profit sector [1]. In summary, we conclude that the highest positions, even within ANBI organizations, are disproportionately awarded to men, despite the presence of many female employees and talents in these sectors. The ‘glass escalator’ phenomenon also exists in the Netherlands.

Finally, this: In our research and this article, we focused on the ‘glass escalator’ effect, highlighting the difference in opportunities for men and women in the non-profit sector in the Netherlands. The HBR article also explored this effect in the context of ethnicity. You can find that HBR study and the recommendations they provided here.

 

[1] Explanation of the general male-female distribution

Although every ANBI organization reports on the composition of its board and chairs in their annual report or on their website, not every organization reports on the general male-female ratio. The organizations that do report on this show a clear picture: the majority of employees are women. To validate these figures, we compared our data with publicly available statistics for the sectors we studied.

Carewashing – organizations that talk about psychological safety but do little or only superficially address it.

Carewashing – organizations that talk about psychological safety but do little or only superficially address it.

Carewashing Esther Mollema

 

“This year, psychological safety is really on the agenda. We’re considering mindfulness training and a ping-pong table.”

Below, you’ll find a great Harvard Business Review (HBR) article that debunks the idea that simple actions like these truly address psychological safety. I call it carewashing. I believe many Dutch organizations are also guilty of this. According to a recent Gallup survey, the percentage of employees who believe their organization cares about their well-being has dropped from 49% in 2020 to 21% in 2024.

Employees see through carewashing, and it leads to turnover and unmotivated employees. Does that sound familiar?

My favorite solutions from this HBR article are:

  1. Truly prioritize human connection.
  2. Seriously measure psychological safety and act on the outcomes at the team level.
  3. Have leaders lead by example and tie consequences to their position if they don’t.

Click here to read the HBR article.

This article was previously published on Esther’s LinkedIn page. Want to follow Esther’s thoughts on current events there? Click here. Esther is a Certified Top Voice on LinkedIn.”

From Resistance to Gain: The Untapped Power of Diversity in Organizations

From Resistance to Gain: The Untapped Power of Diversity in Organizations

Juan Moyano/ Getty Images - through Harvard Business Review

Image Juan Moyano/ Getty Images through Harvard Business Review 

Naar aanleiding van haar observaties dat veel organisaties nog steeds worstelen met het werken aan meer diversiteit, zet Esther in dit artikel de noodzaak, kracht en uitdagingen ervan op een rij. Diversiteit: Briljant of Belemmerend? Onze geschiedenis is doordrenkt van ideeën die aanvankelijk werden weggewuifd, maar uiteindelijk cruciaal bleken voor vooruitgang. Hieronder enkele historische voorbeelden van revolutionaire denkers die eerst werden bespot voordat de waarde van hun ideeën breed werd erkend:

 

 

  • Galileo Galilei was prohibited from teaching in 1620 after claiming that the sun, not the earth, was the center of the universe.
  • Ignaz Semmelweis was dismissed in 1850 after suggesting that better hygiene in hospitals, such as handwashing, could drastically reduce the number of deaths.
  • Pregnant women who, in 1860, preferred to have their deliveries attended by a doctor rather than a priest or minister were considered ungrateful and not devout.

 

 

  • Josephine Cochrane invented the dishwasher in 1886, but her invention was ridiculed as useless because women would supposedly have nothing left to do.
  • Svante Arrhenius first calculated the potential warming effects of carbon dioxide in 1896, but his findings were hardly taken seriously at the time.
  • In the 1960s, doctors who warned about the dangers of smoking were mocked by their colleagues, who promoted smoking as healthy, stress-reducing, and even a remedy for asthma.

 

 

This list shows that brilliant discoveries, which we now utilize, were dismissed as ridiculous at the time of their inception. Their findings did not align with the prevailing views of the time, and the majority hindered progress by ridiculing innovative thinkers.

The resistance to change, a human trait as I will explain shortly, led in many cases to delaying or even blocking developments that ultimately would have benefited society as a whole. This raises the question of what progress we are currently blocking due to resistance to change—both in society at large and within organizations.

How Diversity Can Transform Your Organization – If You Allow It

In today’s complex world, the ability to integrate diverse perspectives is crucial for the success of organizations. Effectively dealing with the many challenges we face, both internally and externally, requires careful exploration and development of options to ultimately make well-considered decisions. To make these decisions in a sound way, it is essential for organizations to bring in diverse viewpoints by actively building diverse teams. This diversity ensures that all options are thoroughly weighed and that decisions are more widely supported.

Countless studies have increasingly demonstrated the value of diversity in teams. Research from reputable institutions such as McKinsey, Glassdoor, Deloitte, and others [1] shows that organizations open to diverse perspectives perform significantly better. Not only do they excel in innovation and decision-making, but they also expand their market share and increase customer satisfaction. Furthermore, such organizations are more successful at attracting and retaining talent, as they create an environment where different ideas are valued and employees feel challenged and supported.

Despite the compelling evidence of the benefits, diversity remains a sensitive and often difficult theme to implement in many organizations. This sometimes seems due to a lack of understanding of the advantages, but more often to the challenge of truly embracing and integrating diverse perspectives into the organizational culture. Finally, it also requires courage and perseverance from leaders to implement this change, leading to a worthwhile reward: a more resilient, innovative, and successful organization.

 

HBR Staff/ Westend61/ simonkr/ Getty Images

Image by HBR Staff – through Harvard Business Review

The Diversity Paradox: Understanding that What is Good Does Not Come Easily

If the benefits of diversity are so clear, why does it remain a difficult topic in many organizations? This phenomenon is known as the “diversity paradox.” Despite overwhelming evidence from numerous studies showing that diversity leads to better innovation, decision-making, and competitive advantage, many organizations and individuals remain hesitant to fully embrace it. This reluctance stems from a deeply ingrained tendency to choose the familiar: ease and stability, even if it means ignoring and not reaping the proven benefits of diversity.

There are two key reasons that explain this paradox:

Power and Preservation of the Status Quo
One major factor explaining the diversity paradox is the fear of change within the established order and the potential loss of power and status that comes with it. This resistance, driven by self-interest, hinders progress and blocks new ideas and developments that could actually lead to more growth and success for the organization as a whole.

An example of this was the resistance within Eindhoven University of Technology (TU Eindhoven) to plans aimed at addressing the gender imbalance among academic staff. For years, various plans failed to take off, until as of July 1, 2019, professor positions were opened exclusively to women for the first six months. The majority group fiercely resisted: by late October 2019, as many as 54 men had filed complaints with the anti-discrimination bureau Radar and the Dutch Human Rights Commission (CVRM). Although the plan had to be adjusted slightly, it largely proceeded as intended. The majority group had to give up its resistance, and now TU Eindhoven fills half of its vacancies with women.

Unilever also demonstrated that if the will is truly there, it is possible to achieve 50% of top management roles being held by women in a short period of time. Similarly, the supervisory board of Wilde Ganzen recently chose three new members with culturally diverse backgrounds to better align the board with Wilde Ganzen’s vision.

Human Nature and the Desire for Comfort
A second factor explaining the diversity paradox is the natural tendency of humans to feel more comfortable in homogeneous groups, where there are fewer conflicts and challenges. This sense of comfort is historically rooted, as people traditionally survived in close-knit, like-minded communities. In a prehistoric context, belonging to a homogeneous group with common norms and values was essential for your survival, safety, and cooperation. This evolutionary preference for homogeneity has persisted through the centuries, causing the unconscious brain to still feel more at ease in groups where it sees itself reflected in others.

Although people often say they seek more diversity, research shows that their brain feels more at peace in environments with like-minded individuals, even if such an environment leads to less effective decision-making. This is why the unconscious brain, which governs most of your daily decisions, prefers people who are similar to you. It’s also the reason why new employees in such homogeneous environments often quickly adapt to prevailing norms and behaviors. Does this sound familiar?

 

 

  • If, before 2005, you went to work as a man without a tie, you were not seen as ambitious and probably did not hold an important position. So, you kept wearing the tie.
  • If, in 1989, you drank non-alcoholic beer or a soft drink because you wanted to drive responsibly, you were labeled as a boring person and became the subject of much mockery, ridicule, and jokes by the majority. So, you joined the others in drinking.

 

 

  • If around 2010 you allowed working from home to help employees better and more efficiently combine their private lives and ambitions, thereby proving to motivate and value employees more, you were seen as a weak manager. So, you didn’t allow working from home either.
  • If all team members say ‘yes’ and ‘amen’ to the manager, you swallow your own feedback that points in a different direction.

 

 

We unconsciously want to belong. Your unconscious brain, perhaps more often than you think, prefers the comfort of a homogeneous team over pursuing better results for the organization. So, we often unconsciously choose comfort, which means the benefits of diversity are ignored.

Where Does Your Organization Stand? Will You Find Your Galileo?

Do you recognize the above reasons for the diversity paradox, either within your organization or within yourself? Do you recognize the possible resistance from the established order? Are there unwritten rules in place that benefit them but not others or the organization as a whole?

I still remember that at the beginning of my career (and with me, many women) I got entangled in the unwritten rules about motherhood and ambition. The established order expressed that it wasn’t considered normal for a mother to work full-time, and they also maintained the rule that you couldn’t become a manager if you didn’t work full-time. Nowadays, I hear from many newly promoted women that they receive comments suggesting they got the promotion only because a woman had to be appointed. Especially when that remark comes from the mouths of those in power in your organization, it is a very harmful comment and an unconscious attempt to maintain or restore old interests.

Do you also recognize the destructive unconscious preference in your organization for people who resemble those at the top? This is evident in who gets hired for teams, what evaluations they receive, and who has or gets promotion opportunities—and who doesn’t. But it also shows in who is listened to during meetings and how work is distributed within the team. Especially in the Netherlands, this remains a major challenge because most Dutch people still believe they are unaffected by unconscious biases (if you want to learn more about this, read my blog).

The future of your organization depends heavily on the ability to harness the opportunities diversity brings. How is this going in your organization? Which people and which unwritten rules are hindering progress? What difficult conversations need to be had, and what tough decisions need to be made? How can you make these topics discussable with one another? These are crucial questions, as the future of your organization is at stake.

[1] McKinsey (2015, 2018, 2020, 2023), Glassdoor (2014), Deloitte (2022), Boston Consulting Group (2018), Center for Talent Innovation (2013), EEOC (2016), Credit Suisse (2016), PwC (2019), HBR (2016)

A Display of Allyship by Simone Biles

A Display of Allyship by Simone Biles

Allyship Simone Biles Esther Mollema

 

The most decorated gymnast of all time, Simone Biles, uses her fame to put others in the spotlight. On the floor, normally her strongest event, she was surpassed at these Olympic Games by Brazilian Rebeca Andrade.

Biles received a silver medal, and her teammate Jordan Chiles won bronze. During the medal ceremony, they made it a celebration together by bowing together for the gold medalist Andrade.

Why did Biles do this, journalists wondered? Biles showed herself to be a true ally. She used her fame and privileges to honor and put someone else in the spotlight. She wanted to celebrate an all-Black podium but, above all, to recognize Andrade’s athletic achievements because she is an outstanding athlete.

Thanks to Biles’ fame, now even those unfamiliar with the sport know more about the exceptional performances of Chiles and Andrade.

What more can I/you do as an ally? Also at work?

This article previously appeared on Esther’s LinkedIn page. Do you want to follow Esther’s thoughts on current events there too? Click here: https://www.linkedin.com/in/esther-mollema-183227/ Esther is a Certified Top Voice on LinkedIn.